Self-examination, self-indulgence, and the dangers of blogging

This is my second attempt at a blog. The first was started years ago due to peer pressure. It is easy to imagine why it was quickly forgotten. However, the idealism which surrounds blogging still attracts me. To have my words read, and perhaps even thought about by other people, is exciting.

I am conceited enough to believe I have important ideas, some perhaps even groundbreaking. This desire to share is driven by a need to examine not just the world around me, but myself. Yet, I would be foolish not to admit that this blog is also a form of self-indulgence. The number of people reading my blog, the type of responses my words provoke, and of course the fame and glory the comes with blogging is vastly appealing.

However, I am also intensly afraid of blogging. In fact, I have thought of blogging on and off for many years. I love reading and writing, but technology leaves me cold. To read someone elses words is intensly personal. Contrast that with the impersonal nature of the internet and an internal debate begins. Should I allow strangers glimpses of myself? Should I reveal the deeply personal problems that plague my thoughts when I hesitate to tell even my closest of friends? And what, as the world judges my thoughts and words, would I do if I fail? Opening myself up, not just to criticism, but the hurtful responses of callous individuals is scary.

All the same, here I am. Blogging, perhaps seriously, perhaps not. But I am driven by the words of e.e. cummings. To damn the one-eyed son of a bitch and eat flowers. Perhaps I will regret this in a year. Perhaps in as soon as a few hours. But I need to get over the idea of failure. It’s not failure, it’s life.